she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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