well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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