You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
