Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
