I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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