Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
