I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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