margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
