No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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