can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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