when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
