He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
