I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
