We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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