grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
is it fun? or sober?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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