Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
