Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
