I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
