I just pynch a tree in the face
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
