I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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