Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
