So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
