Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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