Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
