What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
