yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize