First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
