DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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