There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
there is puke in my bra ... again
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