it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
