You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
