That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
