Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
