I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
