i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize