My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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