Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize