id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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