i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
