please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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