Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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