you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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