I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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