Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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