my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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