Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
