were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
