I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
