I hate all girls vehemently.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
