turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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