so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
even my farts smell like vagina
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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