These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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