Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize