Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
