Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
