maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
