Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
