my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
