I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
