The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
