I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
