Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
