Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
