When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
