My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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