He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
