We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
