holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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